Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
