I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
