so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
