he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
