I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
