He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize