i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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