6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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