It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
ok first of all what the fuck
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