Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
