She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize