please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
