i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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