What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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