in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I puked a lego.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize