giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
