His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
50% drunk capacity currently
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
