They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
