I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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