why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
