Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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