its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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