Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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