the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
