I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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