I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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