please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
