I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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