thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
