So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
