chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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