Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They took my balls.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
