i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hippo gnu deer
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
