I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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