it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
