His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
