After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
