i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
