Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
