A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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