someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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