a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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