true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
