After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sober January is a disaster.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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