Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
