i permit you to call me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
