3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
