Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
