Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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