She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
