he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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