I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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