i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk is not a location!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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