It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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