I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
