Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
