I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
