you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize