i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
