you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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