im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
