Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
