Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
