My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
