how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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