Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
